The word "Authentic", and the lie it sells.

 Authenticity in all it's glory

I was at church on Sunday, and realized that our reverend, brought up the topic of being Authentic, as a person. What struck me as odd with this, was that I've been hearing from so many people, for such a long time, that the most fulfilled life is one where we live "Authentically" to ourselves.

My mother first began telling me this when I was a teen. Teachers began using the term in University and College, even former supervisors, and now my reverend. The term seems to be endearing and stand for some higher achievement of the person and the fulfillment of the soul. Yet when I ask people what that means, they are always quick to offer a vague explanation, and quickly move to a new topic.

In hopes of finding the meaning, I searched the internet.  I found a wonderful definition which reads "Authenticity is the development and expression of your essential self, uncensored, undiluted, unimpeded by external forces. The real you, not a circumstantial, conditional, contingent version of you." ("Live Authentically" by Tom Murcko. http://www.howtolive.com/live-authentically/). In reading the steps and definition more thoroughly, I began to realize that while I have always aspired to this, and while I have admired people who do this regularly, the truth is that this is the biggest lie we preach to one another. 

The goal of living authentically is a beautiful one, and in an ideal world where people embraced it, the concept would have truly amazing benefits on society as a whole. The reality is something rather different, though. 

To live authentically, you are to put into practice what you feel and believe to be true in your heart. It's to stop censoring your expressions, and to be sincere and live candidly. Thinking back on the times I have done this in life, all I can come up with is times when I have received punitive retributions for such actions. 

I have had supervisors tell me that I should be "authentic" and be unafraid to challenge myself and my superiors to ensure that  the best course of action is taken. However, when a worker practices this, they quickly find that they are the target of that pretty pink slip made paper airplane, that is aimed for their backs. Telling a professor that you disagree with their thesis, results in a very authoritative lecture to the class that they "have been working to have an opinion for the past eight years to become a professor, and upon you achieving the same, you will then be entitled to an opinion, but until then you will accept the one [they] provide you for your next paper."

Do we Practice what we preach?

Countless times throughout life, I have been told everything from: You shouldn't tell people about your relationship with another man. You should watch what you post on Facebook, because you don't know how someone will use it, or if they will take it to your boss to attempt to declare you unfit. You should show respect for your elders, even if you don't feel it. etc.

Society weaves this fantasy into the heads of the coming generations, telling them to be individuals, and be true to themselves. Then Society turns around and tells them, don't do that because you could offend or  hurt someone, or you may be punished for it later. You must be true to yourself, but you must conform and follow the Societal norm, for fear of who or how it may be taken.

We tell ourselves that living this life will bring us joy and self fulfillment, but the reality is that fulfillment and joy, don't pay the mortgage, the bills, or the living expenses of life. In order to do that, you need to go to work in a good paying career, where you conform to what your executives feel is suitable for the role. You need to play the political game of the office atmosphere, and try to ensure your survival in the world.

Do you live a lie?

So I pose this question to my readers: Do you live the lie of the world, pretend to be authentic, and then conform when in public to survive; Or do you live authentic 100% of the time, and say to heck with the world. When you conform, does it slowly kill your soul until your a bitter executive, and do you feel like you sold out? When you live authentically the entire time, do you find the world around you seems to be screaming conform and give in, as though you were not designed for the world you live in?

The point

Think about your life, and how you want to live it. Do you want to be the executive, who sees others as liabilities and numbers in the world; or the person everyone else see's as radical? When you go to sleep at night, can you be content with what you have taught your children and the next generation that is all around you? Did you tell them to wear that bandana at school, even though they were banned, and then stand behind them when they got sent to the principles office? Did you stand by them when they told someone they didn't like a meal, an outfit, or a gift; Or did you correct them because Society says that being honest is rude?
 

If we are ever to truly live authentically, then we have to accept others for who and what they are. We have to see a role for them in the world, and embrace their difference. Sadly, while I continue to strive to live this utopian ideal, I have to believe that I don't think the world is ready, or willing, to accept "Authenticity" the way it preaches it, and asks us to practice it. 

I for one say, embrace it as much as you can. Explore the world, challenge ideals, and be unafraid to speak your truths. Stand behind those who are independent and you agree with, because they may just be right. Be who you are, and stand for what you believe in. Be willing to come at the world from a stance of logic everyday, and be prepared to realize that your world can and will change. You are not constricted to the beliefs of your friends, family, or forefathers. Being openly gay requires a step towards being authentic, and living it honestly shouldn't be a sign of weakness; but a sign of strength.  I've embraced who I am, and who I want to be. I'm quirky, with a million thoughts a day. I ask my friends, family, especially my fiance, morally ethical questions regularly, because they pop into my head. I act goofy at times, caring and genuine in other times, and independently on a very regular basis. 

I've learned from the people around me, the ones that I admire most, that everyday is open to possibilities. I've learned that sometimes the best ice breaker is to start random, saying "I like toast. How about you?" It may be random, but it's honest, and it's going to grab their attention. I've learned that laughing at the world and the weird things in it, can be harmless, and fun. Going for midnight walks, high only on life and lack of sleep, can be breath taking. So I choose to live as I am, uncensored and true to me. Take it or leave it, but I can tell you honestly that if you embrace me, I'll never be boring to be around.